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  • Julia Erman

Being Separated

It was the duck tape on the ceiling holding up the air vent that took our focus as Aaron, and I laid in bed in the parent room, wondering if our daughter would live.

We laid and cried; in fact, we didn’t cry. We wept.

Those first five days in the NICU were absolutely terrifying. All we knew was our hearts had been torn outside our chests, and no one could take the pain away.

It was in those moments we began to understand the gospel. That our God literally gave His son to die on the cross for us.

I’m overwhelmed thinking about what that must have been like. I can’t say I get it, but I can say I get it more now than I did before.

Any mom who has been there gets it. Moms were not designed to be separated from their babies or to watch their babies suffer.

Being separated from Hazel in the first few days of her life was traumatic, and I’m still dealing with the trauma from that. Some of that pain will never be erased from my mind and I'm not sure it should.

It will forever be there with me as a lesson that this life is sort. Take each breath in and out and be thankful. This life is a gift.

I often wonder why Hazel lived? We watched so many families come and go and also family leave without their babies.

For this I will never know, but I do know that Hazel's life is a gift. She is a light and brightens up each and every room that she walks into.

My prayer is that her book would do the same. ☀️

If you haven't joined the email list yet, make sure you do. The book is well on it's way and "Hazelnut it's time to get up" will be released February 2022! Don't miss it!

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