I find myself holding back tears a lot recently—tears from stress, tears from grief, and tears from a lack of control.
Hazel's behaviors have always been a challenge, but as she has gotten stronger, I find myself feeling helpless.
The reality of parenting a child with disabilities who is stronger than you is that you have no control. For a personality like mine, wow, that's hard.
I try to "let it go" on a daily basis.
I try to seek joy in other places, and I often find it.
I try to remain hopeful and hold on to the moments we have together that are sweet.
Having the CNAs has helped so much—another human to carry the burden—but it by no means takes it away.
This is hard. Parenting a child with no reasoning is hard. Parenting a child with a broken brain is so, so hard.
But as my pastor told me, "You can do hard things."
With Christ, I can do this, but it's still hard.
To all the mamas who live this life—you are not alone.
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