From cancer, chemo, c-section, and delivery to radical hysterectomy and a healthy baby born, or so we thought.
We trusted God's plans for Russell. We knew he would provide. But then Russell was sick. He was sick like his sister, and our doubts came in like thunder.
As I looked back on my memories of this day two years ago, I wrote
“Welcome, Russell Eugene Erman, 5 pounds 14 ounces, born June 16th at 8:55 am. What a champion this sweet boy was yesterday; he came out kicking and screaming and didn't even spend one minute in the NICU. We were all three
back together as a family by 2 pm, which I believe was a miracle.”
When I wrote this post, we had no idea he would be sick yet. We were so happy and over the moon.
It was just a few hours later today, two years ago, when Russell’s lip turned blue. I saw it, and I knew but didn’t say a word. The last thing I wanted was for him to be taken from my arms.
Finally, I told Aaron. The next thing you know, the NICU team rushed him upstairs, and my whole world flipped upside down again.
Post radical hysterectomy, I got out of bed, into a wheelchair, and made Aaron wheel me up. I couldn’t bare being separated.
In those first few hours in the NICU, we saw Russell’s first seizure, just like his sister.
We were crushed… we knew after being told over and over this wasn’t genetic that it was. The same onset in the same hour Russell had it too.
I’m not sure why God allowed this, I’m not sure why he didn’t cause a miracle, but he didn’t.
The grief hits hard; the visions we had for 35 weeks of what life would be like with an average child crushed.
We wanted to teach him to read, write, play ball, farm, love Jesus, and much more.
But God's plans were different. They are different. And today, I pray for the strength to do his plans in his way, not mine.
So all this to say, sweet boy, we made it two years! We survived your crying, the NICU, the doctor's visits, MRIs, EEGs, feeding tubes, and so much more.
Thank you, Jesus, for the strength.