After two hours of fighting with Hazel, she finally went to bed. By the time she was asleep, I was so anxious that I was having flashbacks to my days as a NICU mom. My heart was pounding, and my body was unsettled.
I just let the tears flow.
I wondered how I would do this on my own for the next three nights while my husband Aaron is at work and finishing up paramedic school.
Then I remembered I’m not alone.
First, I have the Lord. He is always with me, and I can call on Him.
Second, I have my people. But the hardest part of that is I have to let them help in ways I don’t always like to receive help.
Let me explain.
Usually, I prefer to just hold it all together on my own. It’s easy, it’s predictable, and it works.
When I have to rely on others, there is a chance they could see me melting down—losing my mind, my hope, and yes, all my joy. There is a chance they could see me without it all together. And most of all, it opens up space for vulnerability.
Receiving help takes being vulnerable. Being vulnerable takes courage. And courage isn’t something I always have.
When Hazel was small, it took me so long to let someone in to help. Then Russell came, and I had no choice. Help was the only option. Our nanny Natalie came in and literally saved my life. She saw me cry, saw me angry, and saw the trueness of parenting children with disabilities. She saw me.
Friends, people want to see YOU!
Oh wow, the tears are flowing now as I’m writing.
People want YOU—the real, honest, authentic version that doesn’t have it all together. And that’s why I love Camp Celebrate.
What I didn’t mention was that yesterday alone, I had three volunteers who weren’t our buddies offer to help me when Aaron was gone. Three people who I have only met once before—or twice. People who love me and love my family.
They specifically asked if they could come early one morning or stay late to help.
God had it all written out. He knows the ending, and He will provide for His children.
So please pray for me as I continue the week and navigate the difficulties of being out of routine with two very routine-oriented kids, and as I learn how to open up myself a little more each day and allow others to serve me.
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